Remember Neverland: How “Adult Bias” Gets in the Way of Truly understanding Your Child
Play Therapy insights from Head & Heart Family Therapy – serving Rancho Cucamonga, Upland & Claremont
If you’re a parent who’s ever felt frustrated by your child’s behavior—whether it’s being too silly, too wild, or too sensitive—you're not alone. But what you may be experiencing is something called Adult Bias.
What Is Adult Bias?
Coined by my mentor, Dr. Brenna Hicks, Adult Bias happens when we expect kids to respond like adults—using logic, reasoning, and emotional regulation that simply isn’t developmentally appropriate yet. It’s forgetting that children don’t know how to be adults, but we can remember what it was like to be a child.
When we let our grown-up perspective overshadow the way kids see the world, we miss the beauty of their process—and sometimes, their cries for connection.
Let’s Talk Peter Pan & Neverland
Remember Hook (1991), starring Robin Williams? Peter Pan grows up, gets a 9-to-5 job, and forgets all about Neverland. He becomes a stressed-out adult who no longer believes in play or imagination. When he returns to Neverland to save his children, he can't even fly—he’s forgotten how.
There’s a scene where he’s sitting at an empty dinner table with the Lost Boys. They're pretending to eat a massive feast, laughing and playing. Peter can’t see the food and mocks their silliness. He calls it foolish—childish.
That’s Adult Bias in action.
But when Peter lets go, joins in, and believes—everything changes. The feast appears. The joy returns. He finds his wings. And most importantly, he reconnects with his children.
Why This Matters in Child Play Therapy
At Head & Heart Family Therapy, we see this all the time in our Child Play Therapy sessions in Rancho Cucamonga, Upland, and Claremont.
When a child is pretending, making a mess, or is having a meltdown—it may look “childish” or “pointless” to the adult eye. But this is how children process emotions, stress, and confusion. Through Child-Centered Play Therapy, we create a space where children can express big feelings in small, safe ways—without the pressure of adult expectations.
When adults respond only with discipline, logic, or control, it reinforces a sense of shame because children don’t have the capacity of acting like adults yet. But when we acknowledge our Adult Bias and meet kids on their level, with curiosity and imagination, it opens up a world of trust and connection and better behavioral outcomes.
How to Shift from Bias to Bonding
If you find yourself getting overwhelmed by your child’s behavior, try asking:
Am I expecting them to be more emotionally mature than they can be?
Is what I am asking of them setting them up for failure? Have I ever witnessed their ability to successfully do this in the past?
How can I show them I understand, even if I don’t fully “get it”?
Because here’s the truth: Your child doesn’t need a perfect parent. They need one they can connect with.
Therapy for Parents & Kids in Rancho Cucamonga, Upland & Claremont
At Head & Heart Family Therapy, we help families find deeper connections with each other through the proven power of Play Therapy. Whether you’re navigating emotional challenges, behavioral struggles, or just feeling stuck—we’re here to support your child and help you rediscover the magic of seeing the world through their eyes.
Let’s rewrite your family’s story—together.
