Spoon Theory & The Invisible Weight of Hidden Disabilities
We often hear people say, “But you don’t look sick.”
It’s a phrase many people with chronic illness or invisible disabilities have heard again and again—and while it may sound harmless, it can actually be deeply invalidating.
Living with an invisible disability means navigating a world that doesn't always see or understand the extra effort it takes just to function. That's where Spoon Theory comes in—a powerful metaphor that helps explain what daily life is like when you’re managing limited energy and invisible challenges.
🥄 What Is Spoon Theory?
Spoon Theory was created by writer and advocate Christine Miserandino to explain to her friend what living with Lupus—a chronic, invisible illness—really felt like. Instead of describing pain or fatigue in vague terms, she handed her friend a handful of spoons.
She explained that each spoon represented a unit of energy. Healthy people wake up each day with what feels like unlimited spoons. But when you have an invisible disability, your spoons are numbered—and precious.
Getting out of bed? That’s a spoon.
Taking a shower? Another spoon.
Dealing with sensory overwhelm in a crowded store? That could take three spoons.
Now imagine running out before lunch.
When you run out of spoons, you don’t just feel tired—you feel depleted. You might have to cancel plans, leave work early, or shut down emotionally. And yet, from the outside, you may look “just fine.”
🚫 The Challenge of Being “Invisible”
Invisible disabilities—like chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, autism, POTS, depression, anxiety, long COVID, or a spinal cord injury without a visible mobility device—often come with internal constraints that aren't easily seen or understood. That invisibility can lead to:
Misunderstanding: People may assume you’re lazy, antisocial, or flaky.
Self-doubt: You may start questioning yourself or pushing past your limits just to prove you’re “okay.”
Burnout: Because you're constantly trying to mask your reality or meet the expectations of an able-bodied world.
This mismatch between what people see and what you feel creates a heavy emotional burden—and it’s why therapy that acknowledges these unseen layers is so important.
❤️ Why Spoon Theory Matters in Therapy
At Head & Heart Family Therapy, we work with clients across Upland, Rancho Cucamonga, Pomona, and surrounding areas who live with both visible and invisible disabilities. Spoon Theory has been a helpful tool not just for our clients, but also for the families and partners trying to support them.
In our sessions, we often use Spoon Theory to:
Track emotional and physical energy over time
Validate experiences that others dismiss
Set healthy boundaries around relationships, work, and caregiving roles
Reframe “low-energy” days as a normal and expected part of chronic disability—not a failure
🧠 Invisible Doesn't Mean Imaginary
If you’re someone living with a chronic illness, a neurological difference, or a hidden disability—your energy is valid. Your experience is real. And your need for rest, accommodations, and support is not up for debate.
You shouldn’t have to earn credibility by looking a certain way. At Head & Heart Family Therapy, we don’t just believe your story—we make space for it.
🗣️ Let’s Talk About It
If you or a loved one lives with an invisible disability and needs support navigating the emotional, relational, or practical challenges of daily life, we’re here to help.
Whether you’re in Rancho Cucamonga, Upland, Pomona, or anywhere in San Bernardino or Los Angeles County, our therapy team is trained to hold space for the whole picture—not just the parts people can see.
📞 Reach out today. Let’s talk about your spoons.
