Relearning Life After a Disability: Challenging Internalized Ableism

Every year, millions of people experience life events—like injuries, illnesses, or accidents—that lead to a disability they weren’t born with. In fact, according to the CDC, more than 70 million adults in the U.S. reported having a disability in 2022, showing just how common it is to acquire a disability later in life (CDC, 2024).

When this kind of change happens, it can completely shift the way someone sees themselves and the world around them. And often, without even realizing it, people bring unspoken beliefs into their new reality—beliefs shaped by a society that doesn't always make space for disability.

What Is Ableism?

Ableism is the idea (often unconscious) that being non-disabled is “normal” or “better”—and that people with disabilities are somehow less than. It shows up in the way society is built, how people are treated, and even in how we think about ourselves. According to Merriam-Webster, it’s defined as “discrimination or prejudice against individuals with disabilities.” (Merriam-Webster)

For people who acquire a disability later in life, one of the hardest things to face is the internalized version of those deep-down thoughts like:

• “If that ever happened to me, I couldn’t handle it.”

• “That’s so sad—I feel bad for them.”

• “I’m glad that’s not me.”

These are real thoughts clients have shared during their therapy sessions. And when someone experiences a disability themselves, those same beliefs can turn inward—fueling shame, frustration, and hopelessness.

The Trap of the “Able-Bodied Way”

One of the biggest hurdles people face after a life-changing diagnosis is the belief that “if I can’t do something the way I used to, it’s not worth doing.” That belief can be incredibly limiting.

Let’s say you’re used to brushing your teeth a certain way—but now, holding a toothbrush isn’t easy anymore. A lot of people hit a wall here and think, “Well, I just can’t do it anymore.”

But what if instead of saying “I can’t,” you said, “I wonder if there’s another way to do this”?

That small shift in language opens the door to creative problem-solving. Over time, those little “I wonders” turn into real solutions. And before you know it, you’re doing most of the things you used to—just differently.

Living Fully, Even If Life Looks Different

Adjusting to life with a disability is hard—there’s no denying that. The world isn’t always built to accommodate different needs, and grieving your old life is a natural part of the process. But the belief that you have to live life the “normal” way is something worth letting go of.

When you start to release those ableist beliefs and allow yourself to find new ways of doing things, you create space for joy, purpose, and independence—even in a life that looks different than you expected.

If you or someone you love is figuring out life after acquiring a disability, you don’t have to do it alone. Talking to a therapist who understands these challenges can help you rebuild your life in a way that feels meaningful and empowering.

You’ve got this—and there are more ways forward than you might think.

For more support and resources, visit Head & Heart Family Therapy.